In today’s world it is virtually impossible to avoid stress. Almost everyone is carrying some amount of it, in varying degrees. Many find it increasingly difficult to simply survive in the world we live in. In desperation, people are seeking relief for their problems through any remedy they can find. Our culture is inundated with self-help books, therapists, time-management workshops, massage parlors, and recovery programs (to name just the tip of the iceberg). Everyone talks about returning to a “simpler” way of life, but no one seems to even know exactly what that means, or how to attain it. Many of us cry out like Job: “The churning inside me never stops; days of suffering confront me.” (Job 30:27).
Most of us are so used to carrying the burden of stress, we can scarcely imagine our lives without it. We think it is simply an unavoidable part of living in the world. We carry it like a hiker trudging out of the Grand Canyon with a huge pack on his back. The pack seems to be a part of his own weight, and he can’t even remember what it was ever like to not be carrying it. It seems that his legs have always been that heavy and his back has always ached under all that weight. Only when he stops to rest for a moment and takes off his pack does he realize just how heavy it really is, and how light and free he is without it.
Unfortunately, most of us cannot just unload stress like a backpack. It seems to be intrinsically woven into the very fabric of our lives. It lurks somewhere beneath our skin (usually in a knot between our shoulderblades). It keeps us up late into the night, just when we need sleep the most. It presses in on us from all sides. Yet, Jesus says, “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Mt. 11:28-30). Those words have touched the hearts of many, yet they are only words that merely sound comforting and are in essence, worthless, unless they are true. If they are true, how can we apply them to our lives and walk free from the burdens that weigh us down so badly? Perhaps you are responding, “I would love do that if only I knew how!” How can we receive rest for our souls?
Come To Me…
The first thing we must do to be free from our stress and our worry is to come unto Jesus. Without Him, our life has no real purpose or depth. We simply run from one activity to another, seeking to fill our lives with purpose, peace, and happiness. “All man’s efforts are for his mouth, yet his appetite is never satisfied” (Ecclesiastes 6:7). Things haven’t changed much since the days of King Solomon. We work ourselves to the bone for the things we desire, only to crave more.
If we do not know our real purpose in life; our reason for existing, life is very meaningless indeed. Yet, God created each of us with a special purpose in mind. There is something that needs to be done on this earth that can only be done by you. Much of the stress that we carry springs from the fact that we don’t know who we are or where we are going. Even Christians who know that ultimately they are going to heaven when they die, are still anxious in this lifetime because they do not really know who they are in Christ and who Christ is in them. No matter who we are, we are bound to have tribulation in this life. It is unavoidable, but having trouble in this life is not the issue anyway. The real issue is how we react to it. That is where stress is born. The trials we face in this world will either break us or make us strong.
“I will show you who he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them in to practice. He is like a man building a house who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came the torrents struck that house but could not shake it because it was well built” (Luke 6:48). Jesus didn’t say that once we built our house on the rock that everything would be perfect. No, He said that a flood came in torrents smashing against the house. The key is that the house was built on the rock of Jesus, and the rock of putting His words into practice. Is your house built on Jesus? Did you dig your foundation deep into Him, or was the house hastily erected? Is your salvation based on a prayer you prayed once or is it growing out of a committed relationship to Him? Do you come to Him every day, every hour? Are you putting His words into practice in your life, or do they lie there like dormant seed?
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God–this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–His good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1-2
Until you have fully committed yourself to God, until your foundation is dug deep into Him, you will never be able to discern what His perfect will is for your life. When the storms of life come, as they are bound to do, you will only worry and fret and walk around with an ache in your back. Who we are under pressure reveals who we really are. The storms of life wash away the thin veneer that we present to the world and expose what lies in our heart. God, in His mercy, allows the storms to hit us so we will turn to Him and be cleansed of the sin that we were never able to perceive in times of ease. We can either turn to Him and receive a soft heart in the midst of all our trials, or we can turn away and harden our heart. The hard times in life will either make us pliable and merciful, full of faith in God, or angry and brittle, full of doubt and unbelief.
Fear or Faith?
“If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31). Ultimately, there are only two motivating factors in life: fear or faith. Until we truly know that God is for us, loves us, cares about us personally and hasn’t forgotten us, we will base our life’s decisions on fear. All fear and worry stems from a lack of faith in God. You may not think you are walking in fear, but if you aren’t walking in faith, you are. Stress is a form of fear. Worry is a form of fear. Worldly ambition is rooted in a fear of being overlooked–of being a failure. Many relationships are based on the fear of being alone. Vanity is based on a fear of being unattractive and unloved. Greed is based on a fear of poverty. Even anger and rage are based on the fear that there is no justice, no escape, no hope. Fear breeds selfishness, which is the exact opposite of God’s character. Selfishness breeds pride and indifference to others. All of these are sin and must be dealt with accordingly. Stress arises when we try to serve both ourselves (our fears), and God at the same time (which is impossible to do). “Unless the Lord builds the house, it’s builders labor in vain…In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat” (Psalm 127:1-2).
The Bible says that when everything else is stripped away, only three things remain: faith, hope, and love–and that love is the greatest of the three. Love is the force that drives out our fear. “There is no fear in love but perfect love drives out fear, for fear has a torment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love” (1 John 4:18). The only way we can get rid of our anxieties is to look them in the eye and deal with them at the root. If we desire for God to make us perfect in love, we will have to repent of every bit of fear and worry that we have clung to instead of Him. We may not like to face some of those things that are in us, but we must if we are ever to be free from them. If we are not merciless with our sin, it will be merciless on us. It will drive us like the most wicked of slavemasters. Worst of all, it will keep us from communion with God.
Jesus said in Matthew 13:22, “The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful.” It is extraordinary what tremendous power there is in even the littlest things to distract us from God. We must stand our ground, and refuse to let the thorns choke out the seed of the Word. The devil knows that if he can distract us with all the cares of this world, we will never be a threat to him or fulfill the call that is on each our lives. We will never bear any fruit for the kingdom of God. We will fall far below God’s intended place for us. Yet, God wants to help us to do our best in every situation that we face. That is all He asks–that we trust in Him, put Him first, and do the best we can. After all, most other circumstances that we worry about are beyond our control anyway. What a waste of time worrying is! If we only worried about the things that we have any direct control over, we would reduce our worrying by 90%!
Paraphrasing the Lord’s words in Luke 10:41-42, Jesus is saying to each one of us, “You are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Choose what is better and it will not be taken from you.” Isn’t it wonderful that the only thing that cannot ever be taken from us, is the only thing we really need anyway? Choose to sit at the Lord’s feet and listen to His words and learn from Him. By so doing, you are putting a deposit of true riches into your heart, if you guard those words and put them into practice. If you are not daily spending time with Him and reading His Word, you are opening the door of your heart to the birds of the air who will steal the seeds of life deposited there, and leave worry in their place. As for our material needs, they will be taken care of when we seek Jesus first.
But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness; and all these things will be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow will take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. Matthew 6:33
God has blessed us with a most powerful tool; His Living Word, the Bible. If used properly, it is a spiritual sword; separating our faith from our fear, drawing a clean line between the holy and the vile, cutting away the excess and bringing forth the repentance which leads to life. Stress merely indicates an area of our life where our flesh is still on the throne. The life that is totally submitted to God is marked by the trust born out of a thankful heart.
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14:27 (KJV)
Take My Yoke Upon You…
How it must grieve God to see His children walking around in such misery! The only things we really need in this life, He already purchased for us at Calvary through a terrible, agonizing, and lonely death. He was willing to give everything for us, to make a way for our redemption. Are we as willing to do our part? Are we willing to lay our lives down at His feet, and take His yoke upon us? For if we do not walk in His yoke, we are bound to walk in another. We can either serve the Lord who loves us, or the devil who is bent on destroying us. There is no middle ground, nor is there a third option. Praise God that He made a way out of the cycle of sin and death for us! When we were completely helpless against the sin that raged in us and compelled us to run from God, He had mercy on us and ran after us, though we only cursed His Name. He is so tender and patient with us, not willing for even one to perish. A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick He will not snuff out. (Matthew 12:20). Are you bruised and broken? Is your flame dimly flickering? Come to Jesus now!
Come all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why spend your money on what is not bread and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. Give ear and come to me; hear me that your soul may live! Isaiah 55:1-3
Bless The Lord, O My Soul
When all is said and done, there are still times when we all face incredibly difficult circumstances that have an awesome power to destroy us. The best way to counteract stress in those times, is to begin to praise God and thank Him for His countless blessings in our lives. The old adage “count your blessings” really is true. In spite of everything, there are so many blessings woven throughout our lives that many of us do not even have the eyes to see them. Even if your situation seems hopeless, God is still worthy of all your praise. God delights in a heart that will praise Him no matter what the bankbook says, our family says, our time schedule says, or any other circumstance that would try to exalt itself against the knowledge of God. As we praise and bless the name of the Most High, everything else in this world begins to pale and fade away against the sheer loveliness of who He is.
Think of Paul and Silas, feet bound in stocks in a dark prison with a jailer standing guard over them. (Acts 16:22-40). They had just been severely flogged, ridiculed and attacked by a huge crowd of people. Instead of fearing for their lives, or becoming angry at God, they began to praise Him, singing out loud, careless of who might hear or judge them. As they began to praise Him, their hearts were soon overflowing with the joy of the Lord. The song of those two men who loved God more than life itself began to flow through them like a river of liquid love into their cell and out into the entire prison. Soon, there was a flood of warm light bathing the whole place. Every demon there began to flee in utter terror of that praise and love to the Most High. Suddenly, an amazing thing happened. A violent earthquake shook the prison, the doors flew open, and everybody’s chains came loose! Praise God! Praise always brings freedom, not only for ourselves, but for those around us who are bound up as well.
We must get our mind off of ourselves and the problems we face and onto the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. One of the miracles of a life transformed by God is that we can be thankful always, and praise Him in all situations. This is what He commands us to do, for He knows better than we do that the joy of the Lord is our strength. God does not owe us anything, but He has made a way for us to receive every good thing anyway, because He loves us! Is that not a reason for celebration and thanksgiving?
Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer and enables me to go on the heights. Habakkuk 3:17-19
Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; Who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies; Who satisfieth thy soul with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle’s. Psalm 103:1-5 (KJV)
Won’t you take some time right now to re-commit your life to the Lord? If you don’t know Him, ask Him into your heart. If you do know Him tell Him that you want to know Him better. Confess your sins of worry, fear and lack of faith and tell Him that you want Him to replace those things with faith, hope and love. No one serves God by his own strength–we all need the power and the strength of the Holy Spirit to permeate our lives and continually lead us back to the precious cross, back to the Living Word. You can make a fresh start with God, starting this very minute. He will fill your heart with a brand new song, and joy unspeakable and full of glory!
But unto you that fear my name shall the Sun of righteousness arise with healing in his wings; and you shall go forth, and grow up (leap) like calves released from the stall. Malachi 4:2 (KJV)
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What the Bible Says About Pornography Importance of understanding what the Bible says about pornography
Song of Solomon 2:15 says, “Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines: for our vines have tender grapes.” Foxes sometime in search of food would enter into the grape orchards and devour the grapes and spoil the crop. However, the little foxes were too small to reach the grape bunches so they would chew on the vines and it would kill the whole vine. Instead of the farmer just losing his crop, he would lose his vine which was more disastrous. Spiritually some things we do or allow that we might think are little or insignificant can also be disastrous for us.
One of the most devastating problems that has ensnared many good people is the sin of pornography. Many of these same people will testify that they were ensnared with just a “peek.” This one “little fox” led to their downfall. Many, out of curiosity, just went to a site to see what was there. This is one of the devil’s tricks to get people ensnared. Satan, is the power behind this attraction to forbidden sexual images. People that are trapped today can tell you there is an evil “drawing” that compels them to return again and again. Many are desiring to be free, but seem hopelessly gripped by this evil desire. We want to share the good news — there is a way out through Jesus Christ.
In the USA, as well as many other nations of the world, our societies have become the most sexually saturated societies in human history. Sodom and Gomorrah might be the only exceptions. America’s pornography industry is not only pervasive, but powerful as well. It generates more than $12 billion in revenue annually. In 1997, more than 665 million pornographic videos were sold. On the Internet, there are more than 72,000 pornographic sites. Sexually explicit “900 number” phone calls are a $2.4 billion-a-year industry. ¹
From the Internet to video stores to magazines and “900 numbers,” pornography can be easily accessed nearly anywhere in America. This involvement is not limited to world at large, as surveys reveal the Christian community is highly involved in this evil snare of perversion too. How did this happen? What can be done to help people get free from this bondage? What does the Bible offer as hope to those ensnared in sin?
God has called the church to be the answer to the problems facing those addicted to pornography. God hates this sin, but He loves the sinner and wants to set them free. Many marriages are being destroyed by this evil, as after the addiction of pornography has set in, then the normal marital relationship with their spouses is no longer satisfying. Many husbands then want their wives to partake in bizarre sexual behavior with them or use sexual toys as stimulants. Some couples even watch erotic videos together to arouse each other before they engage in sex. These abnormal approaches to what God intended to be a wonderful relationship, defiles them. Instead of finding satisfaction… guilt, shame, and dissatisfaction set in. True love and intimate sharing is replaced with raw lust. What God meant to be the most beautiful experience between two people becomes a hellish depravity. God can, and will restore this relationship if they will call on Him. There is absolutely nothing that is outside of God’s ability to forgive, deliver, heal and restore.
How Did This Happen?
How did our world arrive at a time in history that has so much emphasis on sexual perversions? This did not happen overnight. When the church failed to maintain a holy standard and example to the world, the world’s evil influence gained momentum and now has saturated our society. Little by little, the church lowered her standards. Instead of the church influencing the world, the opposite happened, the world influenced the church. The church began to watch movies that each year became a little more dirty, a little more violent, a little more immoral, a little more deviant, a little more crazy and a little more erotic. Now today, there are unspeakable things on film that come directly from hell. They were inspired by the devil himself. These “little foxes” are now raging wolves. Sin and evil are progressive. Several layers of gray have now become black.
An example of how this happened in the area of women’s dress, would be to observe the progression of women’s styles. Women’s hem lines have gone up while the necklines have gone down. It didn’t start by going from ankle length to above the knees overnight. It took years for the ladies in the church to gradually adopt this revealing attire that others were wearing. Most Christian women on stage look no different than those in Hollywood. I am not saying that we should wear our hair in buns with no make-up. However, we don’t have to look like the women of the world. We can be stylish and attractive without being immodest and lustful in our dress. Today young girls come to prayer meetings in shorts and crop tops and never think any thing about it. Before you call me prudish (I will admit I am old fashioned, yet in my school days, we didn’t experience the sexual violence that is happening today), let me share where I am going with this.
My husband and I, while pastoring the church, prayed with many young and not-so-young men, who were deeply disturbed as they were having problems keeping their minds on the Lord. The distraction —- pretty young girls who would attend services in shorts, ultra tight jeans, short skirts, or low cut dresses. The men did not want these lustful feelings and were sincerely fighting to keep their thoughts pure. Most of the young girls were totally oblivious to the fact that they could be contributing to a man’s temptation toward lust. I remember an incident when several people were gathered around a man to pray for him for healing. One of the young girls who wore a sleeveless and low cut top kneeled down at his feet while others stood in a circle around him to pray. I happened to be standing over her and looking down as we started to bow our heads and pray I could see her breasts above her low cut bra. The thought came to me how these young men must struggle to pray when they could see the same view as I saw.
What Can Women Do To Help Men Get Free From This Bondage?
Most of the indulgence in porn is done by men, although some women come under its power too. However, since this affects everyone in the family, it is a family problem. It must be addressed as a family issue. One of the things that I believe women are doing today, that is adding to this problem, is the way in which they dress. The goal of many young girls today is not dressing to be well groomed and attractive, but rather to be sexy. Sex crimes and rapes have soared in numbers and women’s dress habits have contributed to this problem. I believe because we have not taught our daughters to dress modestly it has contributed to these crimes. We must teach our sons and daughters morality and return to Bible standards if we are to see this problem reversed.
Men no longer have to go to houses of prostitution to see women’s unclad bodies. They can go to any beach or public swimming pool in the world or just watch the ads on TV It is really a disgrace to the church when our young daughters are allowed to wear bikini swimsuits and many of the mothers wear them too. I am not excusing men and their porno habits but we women must also change if we expect the men to get free from their sin. The Bible speaks about how women should be attired:
As a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion. Proverbs 11:22
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands. 1 Peter 3:1-5
How To Be Free From Pornography
You need to first of all repent of your sin and ask Jesus to come into your heart and cleanse you and deliver you from this evil. No sin is too black or wicked that the blood of Jesus cannot cleanse you from it. The Bible says in: 1 John 1:9-10, 2:1-2: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous: And he is the propitiation (the atoning sacrifice) for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world.”
Because pornography is a spiritual problem you will need spiritual help in getting free from it. By partaking of this evil you have opened yourself up to demonic control. You may need someone who has the gift of the Holy Spirit to pray deliverance over you. You should seek out a Bible believing church that believes in deliverance and knows how to deal with demons. The Lord will lead you in this matter if you ask Him. Do not allow pride to prevent you from getting help and getting free if you need it. James 4:7-8, “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.”
As you commit your life to Christ and obey Him you can get the victory because you are not fighting this battle alone, but you have access to the power of Christ and what He did for you. Romans 6:12-18: “Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof. Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God. For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace. What then? shall we sin, because we are not under the law, but under grace? God forbid. Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness? But God be thanked, that ye were the servants of sin, but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you. Being then made free from sin, ye became the servants of righteousness.”
Today men and women must war in this culture to maintain their sexual purity. This battle is a battle in the mind. You must cast down imaginations that do not agree with the Bible and quote the Word of God over your body and mind. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.”
You must stay away from the area of temptation and destroy all videos, games, magazines, etc. that are pornographic. If you must use the computer in your work environment, you should employ a filter service for your ISP or software that filters out those evil invitations so they do not enter your e-mail and cannot be accessed by your browser. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20: “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.”
Should you stumble or fall, do not stay down. Just ask the Lord to forgive you and start again in your walk with Him. Ask Him to empower you to overcome. You cannot do it in your strength. Just remember that in Him you can do all things. Philippians 4:13: “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”
If you need prayer we will stand with you for your victory. You can write us through the prayer room. You need not give your name. The Lord will know who you are. Remember, the Lord loves you and so do we. Blessings! Contact us through the Prayer Room.
If your life or marriage has been devastated by sexual addiction, we highly recommend a book that has been helpful to many called An Affair of the Mind by Laurie Hall. This amazing book is published by Focus On The Family and written from the first-hand perspective of a wife whose husband was addicted to pornography for over 20 years. This powerful book delves deep into many facets of sexual addiction. The principles in this book, if applied, can save many marriages and restore even those who are most bound to sexual addiction.
FAMILY LIFE
Throughout human history, the family has been the foundation of society. Within a strong, well-functioning family we can fulfill our physical and emotional needs. Strong family ties provide us the love and security we need for a happy life. Children grow into well-adjusted adults through example, instruction and discipline. Chores and responsibilities are shared for the good of all.
Marriage and Divorce
But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (KJV, Mark 10:6-9)
The family of biblical times had the husband as “lord” of the household and the wife as his helper. The husband worked diligently to provide material needs and protection while the wife worked diligently at domestic chores (Ward, pp. 92-94). In these New Testament passages, the need for a strong, healthy marriage is expressed in terms of the idealized family of the ancient world:
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. (NIV, 1 Peter 3:1-4, 7)
Contemporary marriages may follow the biblical model or may be quite different. Regardless of how we divide the roles and responsibilities in our marriages, though, we must be sure the marriage fulfills its essential family functions and provides a loving environment for children to grow into responsible adults.
Unselfish love is the “glue” that holds families together. In marriage we must subdue our own egos and selfish pride for the sake of the family. The Apostle Paul states it eloquently in this passage from First Corinthians:
Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (NAS, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
Divorce is a genuine tragedy. It often leaves the marriage partners embittered and disillusioned. It robs the children of the love and security of a healthy family and denies them a good role model for their own future marriages. The expense of divorce may consume the family savings. The work and expense of maintaining separate households means more work and less time for ourselves and our children.
We need to make an effort each and every day to keep our marriages strong and not let them drift toward divorce. We must put aside our anger, forgive our spouse a million times over, always be faithful, subdue our own pride and ego, and always let love guide our actions.
In the Old Testament Law, a man was allowed to divorce his wife at will. (Wives did not have the same privilege.) Jesus saw the injustice and pain of divorce, though, and said that neither husband nor wife should separate from the other:
Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.” (NIV, Matthew 19:3-9)
The Apostle Paul echoed Jesus’ sentiment:
Now, for those who are married I have a command, not just a suggestion. And it is not a command from me, for this is what the Lord himself has said: A wife must not leave her husband. But if she is separated from him, let her remain single or else go back to him. And the husband must not divorce his wife. (TLB, 1 Corinthians 7:10-11)
Adultery destroys marriages. The adulterer shows total disregard for the marriage vows and for his or her spouse. In this passage, Jesus reminds us that not only should we always be faithful, we should also avoid any actions or situations that might eventually tempt us into adultery:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; but I say to you, that everyone who looks on a woman to lust for her has committed adultery with her already in his heart. (NAS, Matthew 5:27-28)
Unfortunately, some marriages cannot and should not be saved. A viable marriage is a contract of mutual love and respect, as reiterated in Ephesians:
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (NIV, Ephesians 5:33)
When one partner seriously violates the marriage contract, as by emotional, physical or sexual abuse, the marriage cannot endure. None of us should feel obligated to endure an abusive relationship.
Parents and Children
The single most important function of the family is the raising of children. The family provides for the physical needs of children and teaches them how to grow into well-adjusted, responsible adults.
Schools can teach the knowledge and skills needed to earn a livelihood, but children learn their values primarily from the example and teaching of their parents. As parents we must both practice and preach our values. The author of this proverb speaks as a father would instruct his own son or daughter:
Hear, O sons, the instruction of a father, and give attention that you may gain understanding, For I give you sound teaching; do not abandon my instruction. When I was a son to my father, tender and the only son in the sight of my mother, Then he taught me and said to me, “Let your heart hold fast my words; keep my commandments and live; Acquire wisdom! Acquire understanding! Do not forget, nor turn away from the words of my mouth. Do not enter the path of the wicked, and do not proceed in the way of evil men. Avoid it, do not pass by it; turn away from it and pass on. For they cannot sleep unless they do evil; and they are robbed of sleep unless they make someone stumble. For they eat the bread of wickedness, and drink the wine of violence. But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, that shines brighter and brighter until the full day. (NAS, Proverbs 4:1-5, 14-18)
Of course, the parents’ instruction does no good if the child rejects it. Our parents may not be perfect, but they have loved and cared for us, and they deserve our respect. The Bible advises children to honor and obey their parents:
Children, obey your parents; this is the right thing to do because God has placed them in authority over you. Honor your father and mother. This is the first of God’s Ten Commandments that ends with a promise. And this is the promise: that if you honor your father and mother, yours will be a long life, full of blessing. (TLB, Ephesians 6:1-3)
Listen to your father’s advice and don’t despise an old mother’s experience. Get the facts at any price, and hold on tightly to all the good sense you can get. The father of a godly man has cause for joy– what pleasure a wise son is! So give your parents joy! (TLB, Proverbs 23:22-24)
In addition to instruction and a good example, children need discipline to grow into responsible adults. Through discipline, children learn the consequences of their actions and learn to control their behavior:
Discipline your son and he will give you happiness and peace of mind. (TLB, Proverbs 29:17)
Teach a child to choose the right path, and when he is older, he will remain upon it. (TLB, Proverbs 22:6)
Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. (KJV, Proverbs 23:13-14)
The verse above, and a few similar ones, are sometimes used to justify a harsh parenting style based on corporal punishment. However, the dominant theme of the Bible is not to beat one’s children, but rather to “teach a child to choose the right path” through instruction and discipline. Beating with a rod is an example of how discipline may have been practiced in Old Testament times. Unfortunately, beating and spanking embitter the child and teach him or her to control others by physical force. The child may change his or her behavior out of fear but does not learn self-control.
Fortunately, modern parenting methods offer us a better alternative. The methods of natural and logical consequences teach self-control and values without causing bitterness between parent and child (Dreikurs, Kober). In New Testament times, the harsh Old Testament teachings about discipline are replaced with verses such as these:
Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. (NIV, Colossians 3:21)
And now a word to you parents. Don’t keep on scolding and nagging your children, making them angry and resentful. Rather, bring them up with the loving discipline the Lord himself approves, with suggestions and godly advice. (TLB, Ephesians 6:4)
Jesus greatly valued children and the innocence of youth, saying we should humble ourselves before God the way a child does before an adult. He also placed anyone who would corrupt a child among the most despicable of sinners:
At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. “And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. “Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to sin! Such things must come, but woe to the man through whom they come! (NIV, Matthew 18:1-7)
The enthusiasm and idealism of youth can be a potent force. Young adults are often able to see the simple truth of a complicated matter and are able to work tirelessly for a good cause. Paul gives this advice to Timothy, his young friend and associate:
Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. (NIV, 1 Timothy 4:12)
On the other hand, the temptations of youth may be a trap for those who have not yet developed a strong sense of right and wrong. Even children must take responsibility for their own actions. Wrong is wrong and evil is evil. It cannot be not justified because “Everybody does it,” or “I won’t get caught,” or “I won’t get punished,” or “I was mad,” or “I just felt like it,” or “I wanted it,” or “I did it to get back at __________.” (Fill in the blank: my parents, teacher, brother, sister; that bigot, bully, cheater, grouch, show-off, hypocrite, etc.:)
Run from anything that gives you the evil thoughts that young men often have, but stay close to anything that makes you want to do right. Have faith and love, and enjoy the companionship of those who love the Lord and have pure hearts. (TLB, 2 Timothy 2:22)
Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right. (NIV, Proverbs 20:11)
A strong and supportive family bonds husband and wife in a union of love and mutual respect. It is our refuge from the pressures and disappointments of the world and is the instrument for giving our children the things they need most: protection, love, training and discipline. The more we cultivate strong family ties, the more fulfilling our lives will be.
Related verses: Psalms 133:1-3, Proverbs 3:1-35, Proverbs 15:5, Proverbs 18:22, Matthew 5:31-32, Matthew 18:21-22, 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, 1 Timothy 5:8.
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